La'ure, MST victim extraordinaire
Remember how I said we don't MST people unless they've demonstrated a tendency to get nasty in response to criticism?
Let me introduce you to BuriedNox, author of our latest victim, La'ure. I'd give some choice comments on the story and the name, but let's save that for the MST, eh?
Anyway, I gave BuriedNox a critical review - I'll admit that it was snippy, but it wasn't too terribly mean. With a story that ends with

Legolas stood straight, hands fisted as he stared into the face of his once-betrothed. La'ure gazed at the magnificent beauty before her, the elven prince, unable to utter a sound. A horrible feeling gripped his chest, mixing with a feeling of happiness, wariness, and love. It surprised him at how much he kept hidden from her.

Without warning, they both fell into each other's arms, madly embracing.

</i>
My review:

Right then. I usually try to be nice about this, but sometimes it's hard. So please bear in mind that I bear you no personal ill-will, and I don't want you to stop writing.
That said, I have to inform you that this first chapter is absolutely hideous. Seriously awful. Major problems:
1. Repeat it with me now - Arnor is dead. Dead. Completely. Gone. Vamoose. Bye-bye.
2. Given that Arnor is no longer a viable country, it would be somewhat difficult for it to have royalty, symbols, or any of the other assorted nonsense you've assigned it. And if you're going to revive a dead land, at least look up its symbols instead of making stuff up.
3. La'ure is not, repeat, NOT a Tolkien name. Not not not. Nor is De'athor. Tolkien didn't do random extraneous apostraphes, probably because they're, well, extraneous. As in unnecessary.
4. Now this here is one of my pet peeves. Denethor WAS NOT EVIL. He would not attempt to assassinate the royal family of Arnor, even if they did exist. He was a strong, noble man driven borderline insane by the influence of the palantir. Please bear in mind that Saruman, a *Maia* (which, by the way, is Tolkienspeak for demigod) was corrupted and turned to darkness by this same force. Considering that Denethor was, after all, only a man, I'd have to say that the fact that he wasn't running around creating orc armies is pretty darn impressive in and of itself. So...shut up with the Denethor-bashing, eh?
5. Your Mary Sue's hair cannot be "sable-red" because sable is another way to say "black." Look these things up, please.
6. It's "man-at-arms," not "man-in-arms." Man-in-arms sounds like a gigolo. And why is the man barefoot? That's so...dumb.
7. The last sentence of this chapter made me laugh hysterically while surpressing the overwhelming urge to vomit.

Yeah. Nothing personal. If you don't hate me and want any tips or anything like that, my email is on my profile. You can flame me if you want too. I don't mind either way.

BuriedNox, I discovered, is very intelligent. (And by "intelligent" I of course mean, "appallingly stupid.") Not to mention somewhat provoking.



Dear Mouse the Ever Critical,

When I say no flames, I mean no flames. You don't like it, then don't read it. La'ure isn't a Mary Sue, don't even dare calling her that. She's a mentally depressed individual driven insane by your bliterhing moronic sensory perseptions of the real world.

See you in my next chapter, be sure to read far!

BuriedNox

Reading over it now, I'm almost wondering if English is her first language. But alas, it's too late to consider such pity-inducing factors, because I already got irritated and reamed her out.


Dear BuriedNox,

First off, dear, that wasn't a flame. Not even close. A flame would have been something along the lines of "you suck and your story sucks and never write again because I hate you." What I offered was very harsh constructive criticism - you see, no matter how nasty someone is, if they offer tips, it isn't flaming. If you had even a single iota of common sense, you'd listen instead of just writing off valuable advice because you don't like what someone has to say. Get your head out of the sand and grow up.
Next. You can't tell people not to flame/criticize. By posting your work on ff.net, you are asking for writing assistance. That's what the review button is there for, idiot. The fact that it's normally only used for "OMG i luv ur stroy! rite mor!!one!" is merely a mark of how many complete morons have flooded ff.net. When you post, you are opening yourself to criticism. Get over it. Listen. You might learn something.
You've also gone and used one of my pet-peeve cop-outs. "If you don't like it, don't read it." Do you realize what an incredibly, mind-numbingly stupid statement that is? Apparently all readers are expected to be psychic, and know what they like/dislike before ever they read it. A very impressive skill, but unfortunately not one most readers possess, myself included. And if I do in fact read your story, and think it sucks, why should I have to keep my metaphorical mouth shut? You have the right to write utter dreck, and I have the right to tell you that it's utter dreck. If you don't like my review, don't read it.
And yes, your character is a Mary Sue. Unnecessary physical description, angsty past, rebellious daughter, extraneous apostraphes...she's a bloody Sue. If she isn't, tell me why. If you can't, shut up.
I'm not even going to get into your assertion that your character, a fictional creation, was driven insane by some action of mine, because, beyond even the sheer nonsense factor of that statement is overwhelmed by the complete lack of any logic in "bliterhing moronic sensory perseptions." What the heck does that mean? Don't use words you don't understand; it only brings to light your ignorance.
And I will not be reading the rest of your story. Not only is it vapid, brainless, and cliched, but you are an idiot who can't take advice.

Take care now.
Mouse


This completely unnecessary bragging about my own wit/cruelty was brought to you by phfa, who insisted that it should be shared.

ETA:

sorry for being mean, mouse...guy. i am very frustrated for i have writer's block. isn't fan fic supposed to be what i want to write? i don't have to justify myself to you. good day, sir.
buried nox

Do I sound like a guy or something? Jeez. I'm almost offended.